| I believe my last post was either 2007 or 2008, which tells me I've got a lot of blogging to make up for. I can't even begin to pick up where I left off, but I'll just start with the here and now and blog about what I feel. My mom recently told me that the best way to vent your anger or frustration is to write it all down and then burn it. I figure I'll save a tree's life and skip the paper & pencil. Typing is easier, quicker, and deleting is so much environmentally-friendly than setting fire. So anyway, let's pick my brain for a bit. I, of course, am now a married woman, have been for over a year now. I adore my husband. I love him with ever fiber of my being. He's everything I've ever said I wanted in a man, and I know this because I had found an old entry entitled "Boyfriend Application", and everything I wrote about the perfect guy, well, he fits the bill. I lucked up. I got my dirty, hard-working, oil-smelling, God-fearing man. I'm really blessed with what we have. It's so crazy to think that just 2 or 3 posts ago I was going on and on about different guys and what assholes they were and how "all my friends" seem to be married or have kids, which of course turns out it was 3 or 4 years ago. I was so depressed because I couldn't find love. Blah blah blah....What a sob story I was. It just can't seem to grasp how much I've grown and matured since those days. I dare say, I was a little slut. I was hopping around from one guy to the next thinking they were the one when it turns out I was just the one....for the night. What a naive little girl. I'm glad I went through those experiences though because I have a lot to look back on and laugh about. Who'd have thought I'd find a guy so close to home, who I'm sure I ran into a time or two back in the day looping around Jena? Small world we live in. I'm just glad I made it out of that stage of life without a kid or an STD. I know I'm doing some serious trash talk about myself, but I'm not going to deny who or what I was. It was the old Amanda and she's long gone. New Amanda has a good perspective on life. Someone who was brought up with 2 brothers, a mean stepdad and a yard full of animals would likely blame their problems on their upbringing. And for a while I did. I was pissed off at my stepdad for being the way he was without stepping back and seeing things from his angle. He was raised a certain way, it's all he knew. He disciplined us the only way he knew how. I hated him for it. But looking back now, I can honestly say that every little thing he did to make us learn a lesson...well, it actually worked. When we'd slam the porch door (his biggest pet peeve), he'd make up stand there and open and close it until HE was satisfied that we knew not to slam it anymore. Sometimes it'd be 20 or 30 minutes of constant standing and opening that damn door. BUT, guess what? I never slammed that door again. There are other punishments I endured in my youth, I won't go into what they were because I'd probably end up making him look like a monster, but they weren't disciplinary procedures that endangered us or hurt us in any way, and as I said before, I learned from them. So why dwell on them and turn them into something bad? They served their purpose and I'd like to think I turned into a heck of a woman despite it. I'm glad he was tough on us. I learned the value of a dollar, that you have to earn things, hard work gets you everywhere & lastly that if you don't finish what you started you'll never get it completed. Biggest lesson of all. Of course I didn't utilize it when I went off to college...I just kind of goofed off and flunked every subject I took. I got it out of my system several years later and now I've knuckled-down, found out my passions & I'm ready to get back in school to finish them so I can go out and get myself a real job. I'm tired of working random jobs here & there. I want to be the same profession for years to come, something I enjoy doing and won't grow tired of. I've decided that's either going to be a teacher or Sam has me rekindling my desire to open a catering business. I forgot how much I wanted that dream to come true. I love baking, cooking, decorating, planning, designing...I feel accomplished after those things are done. It's a work of art that I alone would be responsible for. The hard part is making your dream a reality. Do I think it's a good idea? So-so. Businesses fail, especially in today's economy. I'd love to go out and just make it happen and be successful at it but I know that's a pipe dream. Even if I was the best for miles around, it doesn't mean I'd flourish. That's the scary part. Do I take that risk or do I just play it safe and go on and become a teacher? I guess for now I have time to figure it out. It'll be another year or so before I get back in school. I'll most likely just take the easy route and stick with teaching. I enjoy it and I'm good at it. Not to mention it's what I started out in school to be and as I said, I don't like starting things and not finishing them. Okay, that was a lot more than I thought I'd say, especially starting out on one topic. I kinda jumped all over the place. But here's the main reason I want to blog today...to vent. I'm beyond fed-up with the b.s. baby-mama drama that April Lane Jones feels she needs to throw my family into. What a piece of work that girl is. I hate stooping to her level and blasting her on a public forum, but honestly, who the hell reads this thing anyway? I just need to get it out of my system so I can have my peace about it...at least until she stirs the pot again. I'd like to think I'm a pretty level-headed person. I keep my calm about things, I don't get tied up in drama that isn't mine, I don't get mean with people or get confrontational...but this little white girl has had enough. How dare someone come into my family and shake us up to the point where it makes us physically sick. That's what she's done. My poor mother has enough problems with her health. She doesn't need April to come along and rattle her cage so much that she gets physically sick from the stress & hurt. I can't believe someone would disrespect their elders so much! And her own child's grandmother? Who does that?! She is purposely twisting her words around and throwing them into my mother's mouth so she looks like the evil one. I'm biased, don't get me wrong. She's my Mama. Of course I'm going to defend her. But I will not lie about what I know. Mama is one of the sweetest, most down-to-earth people that ever existed. She doesn't get stirred up in family drama. She doesn't go out bashing people or talk rude about them behind their back. If she wanted to let someone know she didn't like them, she'd say it straight to their face. I've seen her do it a time or two. But never has she rolled her eyes, purposely made rude comments or ignored someone. That's what April is making her out to be. She's keeping that child from seeing his paternal grandparents all because she has some sort of stick up her ass about my mom. It's been that way since day one. She's made it her life-long goal to throw up a wall between LG and his family. I don't understand it. We're not bad people. Not even remotely close. We're a little redneck, but who around here isn't? Her family more podunk than us. But somehow they trump us. Her parents and sister get to keep Cameran all the time, take him out to the zoo or to the park, shopping, safari, taking pictures...whatever the hell they want. Mama and Daddy ask for THREE FREAKING HOURS with that child this past weekend and OH HELLLLLL NO! April Lane Jones will have none of that! THREE FUCKING HOURS. With his grandparents. What kind of sick, depraved person would not want their child to be around loving people who want nothing more than to have a relationship with their first and only grandchild? I mean, if it were me, I'd suck it up. If I didn't like my in-laws but they were still good people, which they are, I'd look past my own dislike for them and put my child's best interests ahead of mine. It's not healthy for a child to be distanced from loved ones just because the mother has some vendetta against them. How very little of her. Not to mention SELFISH. You do what's best for your child and leave out your own selfish issues. That child is going to grow up, figure out he has more family who want him around & constantly question his parents as to why they would keep him from them. And that's when that bitch Karma comes around and bites them both in the ass. He's going to act out and give them nothing but hell. I don't mean to sound vindictive, but I hope it happens. Serves them right for being so hateful. I know my little brother doesn't want things to be this way. He's a bigger person than that. But she has him so brainwashed into thinking she's his only chance of a relationship that he's scared to leave. She dangles that child over his head to the point that he doesn't want to leave for fear that she's going to leave him and take the child. You mark my words, that day is coming, whether he stays or goes. She isn't staying around forever. If he continues to burn bridges with his family, he's not going to have anybody to fall back on and help him heal the hurt she left him with. I wish he'd open up his eyes and realize that she can never keep that child from him. He has a clean record, amazing job that can support him and Cameran & a loving family to back him up. No judge is going to deny him his child. She's a fool to think otherwise. I'm glad she went on Facebook and did what she did. She only further proved everybody's point that April Lane Jones is a low-down, selfish piece of crap. She made enemies with the Darby clan and I have to say, that was a bad move on her part. As Heather Darby would say, she's gonna be walking around with a lot of feet up her ass, Red Foreman-style. We've got an entire posse waiting to help my parents get justice in this and all April Lane has to fall back on is her mother, father & sister because they've cut out the rest of her family from their lives, same as what they're trying to make LG do. I just wish he'd man up and become the decent human that I know him to be and do what's best for his child, and that's raising him to be a part of all of our lives so we can give him the unconditional love that we want to give him so badly. What a beautiful child he is, and such a blessing. It breaks my heart to watch my mother get torn-down by a 22 year-old skuzzy girl. All we can do at this point is pray for a good outcome and let God serve His justice. No amount of words or crying will ever make April change who she is, so there's no sense in getting into all that. Prayer is the only way to go and I see that more and more everyday. God has plans for this family & that little boy. Big plans. Good plans. And I'm willing to stay dilligent in my prayers & faith, not for my own sake, but for my parent's & my nephew's. |
